mellysblog

If you've been wondering why the music posts have dwindled, it's because summer is approaching, and I'm slowing down a bit. However, next Tuesday I fly to California (for the first time!!) to sing the final concert at the Ojai Festival with SIGNAL. In Ojai SIGNAL will perform Steve Reich's Drumming, the Daniel Variations and Tehillim, a piece that makes my head swirl. I'm pretty sure that Steve himself is playing percussion in Drumming! Also on the program that evening is the Pergolesei Stabat Matter with Dawn Upshaw!

SIGNAL is a group that was founded after the June in Buffalo Festival last year. In short, we were kickass, and peeps liked us, so plans were set forth for us to keep playing together. This season SIGNAL will perform Reich's Music for 18, the You Are Variations, and music of David Lang and a tour with Helmet Lachenmaan.

California, Avacados, Beaches, Dawn Upshaw!! Anyone have a bikini that I can borrow next week??

Found on Brooklyn's Craigslist: Free Stuff


Wow

This weekend I found myself gawking at a $5 single bumper car ride at Coney Island. One ride, $5?? And then I remembered that $5 is nothing now. It'll be about the cost of one gallon of gas in the next three months. I realized that I was definitely entering a new point in my life......

That turn around point where you start to realize that changes in our economy have affected you? That happened to me sometime this month. Last week after my blackberry straight up broke, and all the insurance I've been paying on it for the past year is apparently a scam, the realization hit me: I was po' po' po', and after tallying that there was roughly $1200 owed me from gigs, it was time to put a plan into action.

The first thing I did, after cry, was make what I call a "stress list" where I just list out everything that is freaking me out, and then I tried to formulate a plan to make some progress on everything on that list. Sometimes just making that list helps me feel better.

Since I've made the decision NOT to work for corporate assholes full time, I've needed to cut back on frivolous spending, and instead of freaking out about it, I'm trying to make it an adventure. I've been pilfering great blogs like The Simple Dollar for great ways to save a little bit, and contrary to what you may think, even little tiny eentsy weentsy bits help:

1. Travel. Now that I'm not working in Manhattan everyday, a monthly pass isn't really necessary. There's plenty of days that I'm working from home. Buy a weekly unlimited pass for busy weeks, and have a $20 card for other times you aren't going to be in the city. And walk every once in a while.

2. Set a weekly budget for food, and leave yourself $20 bucks for frivolous spending, it's way easier to stick to a budget if you give yourself some money to play with and not feel guilty about.

3. Eat out once a week, but no more. I realized that I could feed myself for $30 a week, probably less if I didn't buy beer and ice cream, but I shop at the grocery store and look for deals.

4. Make one big meal a week and freeze portions of it for later. Last week I made Hamburger Stroganoff which fed two adults two big meals. (It would have lasted longer, but Matt had three helpings one night.)

5. See if there are things that you consume frequently that you could make yourself. Something I did recently was make my own oatmeal packets. I'm a sucker for brown sugar instant oatmeal. I bought a big tub of instant Oats, and a bag of brown sugar, and a package of smaller Ziploc baggies for less than $5. I made 48 dried servings of oatmeal. The ones you buy at the store are usually 8 servings for around 4 bucks. Obviously this was a smart move. (and you can keep a few on you while you're gigging. It's a quick snack, and there's usually hot water bubblers everywhere you go.)

6. Pay your bills weekly. Sometimes it's hard to find $80 for your phone bill if it happens to fall on the same week as your student loan payment. I found that if I stuck to my budget, I could find a spare 15 or 20 bucks each week that I could pay my phone bill with.

7. Buy produce. Way cheap, and healthy for you, especially if you're supplementing your diet with Ramen. I made myself a staple diet last summer of hummus, pita, cheese and grapes; a peach or a banana for a snack, and a bowl of cereal in the morning. Pasta with sauce that I doctored up with spices and broccoli and REAL parm cheese.

8. Make friends with beans. Also way cheap, and can be eaten as a salad, or fried up with tortillas and a little meat for kickass buritos. Protein extravaganza!!

9. Commerce bank - if you're like me you probably have change piles in various bags and jars. One Saturday afternoon Jack and I counted change that I had in one jar, and it was over $24. If you're close to a Commerce bank, you can take it in, guess how much is in there and win a prize, and they give you cold hard cash, without taking a cut. $24 buys a lot of groceries if you're careful.

10. Cut your coffee with cheaper coffee. Okay, I love, love LOVE my coffee, and I'm an unashamed snob about it. Last week I was running low on my Starbucks Sumatra whatever, and cut it with Cafe Bustella (which I call Cafe Busted, cuz it tastes like shit). It was the best coffee I've made yet. So, a $9 bag of grounds with a $5 can of whatever you can find, mix and you should have two weeks worth of blended coffee. Not too shabby.

And finally, this is something that I've been meaning to do: Start a garden. As much as I want to, I'm not sure I have the right skills yet. My ultimate dream would be tomatoes, basil, rosemary, peppers and cilantro growing right in my kitchen, but not yet. Tonight, I'm attending a Community Garden meeting in my neighborhood! Hopefully, I'll pay a set price, labor a few hours a week in the garden, and have a crate of seasonal produce delivered to my apartment each week. I'm really excited about this, especially the ability to teach Jack about community and labor. God, could I sound any crunchier???

Hey America, PBS just took a big shit on you.... and you liked it!!!


Musical Masturbation in its lowest form.

No lengthy diatribe here.... Video of sexist media coverage of Hillary's "campaign" and by that I mean her wardrobe, demeanor, looks, laugh, and body.


I'm not a fan of Hillary, I'm not a fan of some of the below the belt tactics she has used to garner attention from the media, but I will say that sexism is sexism, and it's a disservice to the progress of women to NOT say anything. I know that sexism sells, that it generates millions of web and you tube hits. Phrases like Take out the Garbage and Iron my Shirt are classic examples of sensationalism, but it's still wrong. You're either a part of the problem or a part of the solution. All I have is my voice, you know, as shrill as it may be.

Stuff that White Feminists Like

I've been reading a fabulous book (for nearly a year, have a bad habit of book jumping) called The Alphabet Verses the Goddess: Conflict Between Word and Image by Leonard Shlain. It's a fabulously scientific and anthropological telling of the journey of language, and how that journey was crucial into setting into place the patriarchal society women fight against.

I found the chapter about Hunters and Gatherers absolutely mind blowing. My upbringing was sheltered. I grew up in a small town in New Hampshire and attended a small private born again Christian school until my junior year of high school. I learned to laugh at the theory of evolution at the age of four, singing proudly, "I'm no kin to the monkey no no no, etc" I also never read mythology until my Freud class at Yale. The lack of that literature under my belt made my post modernist class almost impossible, but I fell in love with T.S.Eliot's Waste Land and The Love Song for Alfred J Prufrock anyways.


So, you all may know this biology stuff, but the connection that Shlain draws between the evolving of our bodies and the connection to the development of language is fascinating! I'll give a brief summary of the Hunter/Gatherers evolution. Humans first developed the opposable thumb, allowing us to manipulate objects. No longer forced to paw things, our sense of smell atrophied, but our sense of sight strengthened. Our eyes needed to calculate the strength of the nearest vine, the distance to the tree we wished to swing to, and the speed of the wind, and our brains grew to accommodate that.

It was around this time that there was a great climate shift, and the tree canopy thinned to the point where we climbed out of trees, and eventually developed the heel. This enabled us to stand up. Our legs were strong and stable, and our hands were free to throw, and kill prey. It was probably around this time that meat became a staple in our diets, and more meat meant more iron, which meant an EVEN BIGGER BRAIN.

But bigger brains meant a bigger head, which meant a smaller infant body to facilitate the journey out of the birth canal. This meant the woman's role changed drastically. She needed to stay with her young until they surpassed the point of vulnerability. Over time our bodies became hairless, and needed to be covered to maintain warmth, and both Mommy and baby needed sustenance. Mommies needed to bathe, feed, swaddle and carry their young. The stay at home Mom was born.

For the first time, a woman was not able to take care of herself after childbirth. Her body needed time to heal, and while nursing she needed more food. Hunters (men) began dragging their kills home to their families instead of eating where the meat fell.

Our whole concept of marriage has its origins rooted in meat. When human females experienced estrus, or heat, they ovulated, and the male species would mate with them. This is still evident in mammals today. When a kill is made, a circle of females will approach it. The females want the meat, but the male species seek out the females in heat for sex. Meat for Sex.

Female animals are able to replenish their iron supplies by licking themselves when they bleed (kind of nast, but interesting). The changes in the female hominid body meant that she needed iron all the time. And hence marriage was born-You bring home the bacon, and I'll cook it up real nice for ya!! Female hominids were now able to make themselves available for sex 365 days a year-if they wanted.

Interesting, huh? Just a guess, but the "natural" connection that advertisers feel between meat and women may have started here. When I was a veggie I was a little more sensitive to that type of advertising, but I've always found the meat eating as masculine and therefore better stereotype kind of interesting. "He's a total beefcake!" "You need to beef up your portfolio if you want to make the best impression." And then the reciprocal, vegging out, total couch potato, etc.

Back to language. Hand gestures only worked in the daytime and around fire, but our bodies continued to evolve. We needed a way to communicate and still accomplish the manual tasks of gathering, and nurturing. So our tongues muscles evolved to became limber and our vocal chords developed. Being able to signal to others vocally, and eventually impart culture to our young orally, a predominantly female activity, began.

There was a great amount of time when oral tradition or storytelling was not only our only form of communication, but an absolute art form. The rest of the book traces the demise of the female goddess with the invention of the written word. Think I'm crazy? Nearly every culture has multiple creation stories that began as oral tradition, and centuries later were written out, (by males, fuckers!) and then changed. Even Christianity and Judaism have the myth of Lilith, who wasn't penned out of the creation story until the 16th century! It's a fascinating read, and I highly recommend it to anyone who studies linguistics or anthropology.

WOOOOOOOO-HOOOOOOOO Two more victories today for woman's rights....

Less than a year after her appointment to Bush's Family Planning Office, Susan Orr, who I referred to as the Princess of Darkness, stepped down yesterday.

A controversial appointee from the beginning, Orr penned an article in 2000 titled "Real Women Stay Married", and worked against providing access to information and contraceptives to low income families stating "fertility is not a disease."

Orr's largest task while working under Bush was working to enforce the global gag rule of Title X, which restricts government money from aiding PP Clinics and other centers that provide abortions, info and contraception to families in need.
And in OTHER news, LAURA SESSIONS STEPP took leave of her space at the Washington Post today. You may recognize her name from her book, "Unhooked:How Young Women Pursue Sex, Delay Love, and Lose at Both", or perhaps from the arguments surrounding the concept of "Gray Rape," a term she coined to help label those less than clear moments in which sex may have been consensual, you were just too drugged out of your mind to remember consenting to it, right?? Yeah, I'm not a fan of her ......"work".....

She also stated that women don't like bars, we only think we do, and that we should reacquaint ourselves with the kitchen and make some baked goods, because MEN LOVE baked goods. AND she believes that women can use up their orgasms...poof, one day, NO MORE. And finally, when scientific research showed that 30% of erectile dysfunction sufferers are under age 30, she blamed *agressive* young women, (in truth she'd call them slutty, I'd call them sexually enlightened.)

She pretty much just makes me angry EVERY TIME she opens her mouth. So long ladies!! As my Mom used to say, "Don't let the door hit ya where the Good Lord split ya!"

In 1969 Al Adamson, (I Spit On Your Corpse, Psycho A-Go-Go,Satan's Sadist's) made an exploitation film about "women's lib", and GOD DAMN IT, it's pretty sweet....I LOVE this stuff. Every scare film I've come across has been chock full of swank soundtrack, fab hair and wardrobe choices, and sterotypical quotes you'd imagine cross stitched in Phyllis Schlafly's bathroom.

"Independent women...turning womens lib into a menacing reality......"
and check out the hair!!!



(Also, this was filmed 1969, at the Spahn Ranch in LA, at the same time the Manson family was living, and killing there. )

For more check out TEENAGE MOTHER!!! If you dare!!!!!

I've watched it three times now....


4 minutes in, winning question "Bottomline: Do you now believe that women can in fact provide men with combat leadership....."

DUDE. DOES. NOT. ANSWER. QUESTION. AT. ALL.

He quips out a knee-jerk "absolutely", but then quickly says something quite different. I was left thinking that Webb is riding on the coattails of the progression that military has made, albeit slow and somewhat reluctant, though he himself was not a part of it. ..... my impression is that Webb 26 years ago, and even 11 years ago is just not capable of visualizing women in leadership roles.

And "getting into the Naval Academy is any horny woman's dream"?????

How could you NOT think that would come back to bite you in the ass?

The best/worst series for women, I'm undecided..... it DID make this product a household name.....


Our rabbits have come a long way baby......

More in reproductive news! In addition to the 24 week victory in the UK, the Virginia Court of Appeals overturned the 2003 Partial Birth Infanticide Act. Although the 2003 law never went into effect, the April 2007 Supreme Court ruling has "trumped" more restrictive laws in Virginia and Michigan. (Still waiting for someone to go apeshit over that's happening in Oklahoma.) In a sense, the victory is somewhat redundant, but it's a victory nonetheless.


A lot of media attention on second trimester and late term abortions lately. After reading an interview with MP Nadine Dorries you'd think that clinics were chock full of women, bellies bulging, but no. In reading up about second trimester abortion procedures, I learned that only 10 percent occur AFTER 12 weeks, and something like 1.46% after 20 weeks.

So, what's the big deal? A bill like this obviously wouldn't effect the majority of the population, right? Why is this significant? because, despite those numbers being small, and although the difference between 24 weeks and 20, or even 22 is slight, it's a very sneaky attempt to take control over womens bodies an inch at a time-but the predominating issue here is still control.

I also learned that the number one reason for second trimester abortions is when the woman's health is in jeopardy, and read horror stories about women who's spouses and partners turned violent later in the pregnancy. Unfortunately, stress in pregnancy sometimes manifests itself in physical violence. In 30% of domestic abusive relationships, the violence began during pregnancy. I also read one story of a woman who went ahead with an unplanned pregnancy, only to realize that her husband had been molesting her other two daughters. For some women, being forced to continue a pregnancy after an emotional ordeal like losing a spouse or another child is more trauma than they can bear.

The 24 week protest mainly focused on the lowering of the abortion week limit from 24 weeks to 20, but also on the bill was the requirement of a "father" figure for women wishing to undergo IVF. Single heterosexual women or lesbian families who WISH to bring a child into the world are being denied that right, while other women, who for their own reasons are not able to create a safe environment for a child are forced to. How is this NOT a case of government meddling with my body???

But hey, TWO HUGE victories in TWO DAYS. That's amazing.


VA story here, UK story here.

Things I am unashamed to admit:


1. I like George Michael and bad 80's pop.
2. I prefer Sawyer and Kate to Jack and Kate.
3. Patrick Dempsey is a beautiful man.
4. I like jam bands - Dave Matthews, Phish included.
5. Ben Folds with or without the 5 is good shit.

Below, fellow ukelelist(??) Julie Nunes plays Gone, and harmonizes with herself. It's fun, and cute, and she has a fantastic voice, and great charisma. Take a break and enjoy. She's one of You Tubes highest subscribed musicians.

Today is Wednesday, otherwise known as hump day. In my nabe, the only way to beat the hump day blahs is to head over to Carvel, where you can enjoy a 2 for 1 sundae or cone or Carvelanche.... the only catch is that they have to be two of the same items, so if one person in your party wants a crazy mondo Butterfinger Oreo cookie extravaganza, and your mouth is watering for a plain vanilla soft serve cake cone (which haps to be my fav) you're SOL.

What's ironic is that I never even really liked ice cream until I got pregnant.... and now I pretty much need it three times a week, or I start twitching. My preg fav was B&J's Phish food with Barbeque chips crushed up inside, yummers.

 Anywhoo, not only is today hump day it's also Bump day!!! If you're preggers get yourself down to a Baskin-Robbins and get your free cone!! (Not entirely sure if they are requiring an EPT stick, or sonogram copy, but hey, why not put that puke-on-demand talent to work!!)

MPs have just voted against reducing the abortion time limit to 20 weeks by 332 votes to 190. They have also rejected plans to include consideration for the supposed need for a father when allowing women access to IVF treatment.

update forthcoming

From the smarties at Drexel University comes this little post on sexual limitations the Church placed on marital relations. I guess we forget how lucky we are today that the Church will basically let you do ANYTHING as long as it's with your spouse.... hell, I've even come across websites that advocate the use of porn, and even pegging!!! in Christian marriages. (Please click that link, I promise, it will not disappoint.)

Here: an excerpt on punishments from our Holy Catholic church in the Middle Ages.... The numbers correspond to the length of time you were to abstain from any sexual impurity. I challenge you: think about your own sexual activity this week, self-induced or whatnot, and see what your score is.

Dorsal sex (woman on top): three years
Lateral, seated, standing: 40 days
Coitus retro — rear entry: 40 days
Mutual masturbation: 30 days
Inter-femural sex — ejaculation between the legs: 40 days
Coitus in terga — anal sex: three years (with an adult); two years (with a boy); seven years (habitual); 10 years (with a cleric)

Theologians were divided on the punishment for coitus interruptus, the withdrawal method that frustrated procreation, arguing for a penance of between two and 10 years, while semenem in ore (semen in the mouth) could attract anywhere from three to 15 years. Pierre de La Padule added that sex during menstruation, sex in churches and sex preceded by kissing and fondling were almost as bad as the previously mentioned positions. Masturbation was so common that it only incurred a 10-day penalty for men and 30 days for monks, but women who used “erotic devices” did penance for one year.

I stopped counting when I had surpassed the 10 year mark.... In a way you could view this as the Middle Ages Abstinence Movement, and hey, what do you know?? The human race is somehow still here....Abstinence doesn't work people.

Via The Smart Set

So, apparently, a year ago, I moved to the big city. A look back on some NYC firsts.

1. Ate my first Coney Island Nathan's Dog.
2. Black bagged a beer for the subway.
3. Bitched out a parent at a Park Slope playground.
4. Verbally disrespected a NYPD officer.
5. Fell asleep on the F Train and woke up at Stillwell Ave.
6. Had a dude rub up on me on a crowded subway.
7. Had my karma shaken when someone genuinely wished me a nice day.
8. Had my karma shaken when a man peeled off a layer of his skin and offered it to me.
9. Had a dude masturbate within feet of me on the F Train.
10. Got my freak on, also on the F Train.
11. Witnessed my first subway fight.
12. Forgot and subsequently remembered what clean air smelled like.
13. Saw a subway tunnel on fire, and no one seemed to care.
14. Signed a petition for increased F Train service.


And since I've moved here:

15. Have not been directly affected by the price of gas per gallon, or ridonculous car insurance prices, nor have I sat in a drivers seat.
16. Can not fall asleep without the sound of loud Mexican music and garbage trucks
17. While home in my homestate: Gave the stank eye to a man who looked me in the eye, and smiled!! What an asshole!
18. Could map out the Subway System on a napkin if provided with 8 crayons (Jack would definitely help out,too.)
19. Have been obsessed with integration of all things Google. Coincidence?
20. Have stopped attending church, even when paid (NY is a godless city.)
21. Was labelled a NY'er (or the enemy) at a Mom & Pop coffee shop in NH.
22. Have become somewhat less idealistic, and definitely more cynical.
23. Can locate the nearest Starbucks location within half a block. Likewise, where the cheap bars are.
24. Could give two shits about fashion, unless I spend the day in Manhattan.... and then I just want to kill myself.
25. Have had my share of career uppers and downers.
26. Figured out (kind of) how to collaborate with a significant other.
27. Have never battled more with depression, addictions, poverty.... and have never felt more confident that I'm living/doing just what I'm supposed to be living/doing.

"Little girls pledge their submission to the phallocentric ideals of Christianity by promising their pussies to Jesus. Bonus points on the swords!" Creepy Slideshow here

Oy, virginity and abstinence and purity - hot topics indeed. Purity Balls are the newest Christian Conservative form of cultivating moral aspects in young girls. In a nut shell, daughters get all dolled up, and attend a ball with their Daddies. Dancing and frivolities ensue, and then after a speech, the little girls "give" their virginities to their Daddies for safekeeping, and promise to remain pure. Some lucky little ladies are even given 'lock' pendants on a chain. Daddies hold the key, until the hand it off with the husband.... (And how does that transaction transpire?? "Ok son, here's the key to my daughter's hymen. Enjoy her! She's a real beauty. She kicks a bit in reverse, but just remember to rotate those tires and change her oil every 10,000 miles!")


Creepiness aside, doesn't this Daddy/Daughter thing just reinforce the uncomfortable rift between Daddy's and Daughters?? (I felt far more comfortable talking to my Mom about that stuff than my Dad, and I know I'm not alone there.) But my main beef with the abstinence campaign, besides the cold hard FACT that it just isn't working, is that the campaign fails to put the same responsibilities on young boys, and in this case the mothers. Where are the Mom's here? Are we trying to reinforce this women as fragile flowers idea? How does giving Mom an active role in the moral shaping of her own children hurt them? Well, it would certainly shake the submissive image of the dutiful wife that the Christian Conservative movement wants to breed and uphold! Choice quotes and snarky retorts below:

“Fathers, our daughters are waiting for us,” Mr. Wilson, 49, told the men. “They are desperately waiting for us in a culture that lures them into the murky waters of exploitation. They need to be rescued by you, their dad.”

Ah, yes, the rescuing. Women are weak, and in need of rescuing, by men. Not by themselves, heavens no! Let's not teach autonomy, or the strengths of making good choices for yourself, especially because we want to perpetuate Daddy issues:

“Something I need from dad is affirmation, being told I’m beautiful,” said Jordyn Wilson, 19, another daughter of Randy and Lisa. “If we don’t get it from home, we will go out to the culture and get it from them.”

Honey, if you need your Daddy to affirm your beauty, you're already buying into it. Get yourself a hand mirror, and go to town.

The dancing continued past the ball’s official end at midnight. Mr. Wilson had to tell people to go home. The fathers took their flushed and sometimes sleepy girls toward the exit. But one father took his two young daughters for a walk around the hotel’s dark, glassy lake.

Ummm, ew? Journalistic cliffhanger. But back to the moral double standard. Purity Balls for sons? Nope. And if you think I'm just jumping on my oh so comfy soap box, a quick Google Reader search for abstinence education brought up these hits:

"Your body is a wrapped lollipop. When you have sex with a man, he unwraps your lollipop and sucks on it. It may feel great at the time, but, unfortunately, when he’s done with you, all you have left for your next partner is a poorly wrapped, saliva-fouled sucker." Darren Washington at the 8th Abstinence Clearinghouse Conference.

Or this image:

"You are like a beautiful rose. Each time you engage in premarital sex, a precious petal is stripped away. Don't leave your future husband holding a bare stem. Abstain."



From the website- "Abstinence helps to ensure a more successful future, avoid STDs and to avoid possible life-long dependency on the welfare system." And here I thought it was the lack of well-paid jobs that make women poor--turns out it's just the absence of a hymen. (Does that mean if I get hymen restoration surgery that my income will magically increase? Sweet!)

This one could be my favorite:


The thought of a diamond in my vag makes me laugh. If I had known my hymen was a diamond I would have made a kick ass floating necklace years ago.

Joking aside, abstinence does NOTHING to promote self-worth in a young girl. It reinforces the idea that the only intrinsic value a girl has, lies hidden between her legs, and when that is gone they are nothing but a "useless stem", or a "saliva fouled sucker". Not only is it misogynist, but it oppresses sexuality. All that emphasis on virginity and purity being EVERYTHING is very hard to recover from if you "stumble" with your promise, or if you are the victim of a rape or incest.

And as the oppositional defiant child I was/am, I would like to state that while I have unpure thoughts, I have my fair share of purely sexual thoughts as well. Sometimes they involve Patrick Dempsey. JK.

Via NY Times

I read up a little more on Schafly this weekend at a B&N. In addition to her ERA opposition, she was vehemently against government funded/discounted child care centers for families because it was the woman's place to remain inside the home (Unless you were a welfare Mom, in which case you better get a job!!!) She also campaigned for some sort of stay at home Mommy tax break, in which women who remained at home, earned less than $500 a year, and took their husbands last names would receive a little kick back from the government. Ironically, she was a mother to six children, a lawyer and editor of her own monthly political magazine, political activist, and lecturer at anti-liberal rallies, and was able to "have it all" as we feminists like to say, only because her husband John Schlafly Jr, also an attorney, worked side by side with her.

I leave you with a few choice quotes:

Non-criminal sexual harassment on the job is not a problem for the virtuous woman except in the rarest of cases. United States Senate (1981). Sex Discrimination in the Workplace, 1981: Hearings Before the Committee on Labor and Human Resources, 400, GPO.

The atomic bomb is a marvelous gift that was given to our country by a wise God. Topics; Invocations; The Godly Nuke", The New York Times, 1982-07-09.

ERA means abortion funding, means homosexual privileges, means whatever else. A new version of the ERA", CNN.com, 1999-08-25.

And the first commandment of feminism is: I am woman; thou shalt not tolerate strange gods who assert that women have capabilities or often choose roles that are different from men's... Men should stop treating feminists like ladies, and instead treat them like the men they say they want to be.Feminists On The Warpath Get Their Man. Phyllis Schlafly Columns, 2005-02-16.

By getting married, the woman has consented to sex, and I don't think you can call it rape. Sun Journal, 2007-03-29.

Sex education classes are like in-home sales parties for abortions (Unsourced, but that one's a beauty.

In my hasty post this morning, I neglected to link to the Detroit power plant video that generated all the sweetie-ness.....Obama called the reporter within hours of the incident, and apologized, and the reporter admits that she's been called way worse. As you can see from the video, he's a busy man, being pulled in a million directions, but sometimes when we respond in moments where we have no time to think about what the appropriate response may be, it offers insight into those uninhibited parts of our brain.....Either way, it's been a great dialogue starter on something that a lot of men and women feel passionate about.

I knew the other day that I needed to post on the "Sweetie" issue because the use of simple everyday words that diminish and oppress women is something I'm quite passionate about. While I enjoy being called Sweetie by my grandfather, and other loved ones, I do not enjoy being called Sweetie, or Beautiful, or Honey by the guy making my sandwich at Subway, or the Metro North train conductor, or especially, an old school exec at Time Warner.

You can argue that words are words, and especially in the case of the old school Time Warner guy that the generational gap here is definitely in play. I might not be as upset if a waitress called me Sweetie when she dropped my check at my table, or the older guy at the corner store where I buy cigarettes and beer when it's been a rough night.

When a term of endearment is used to create an environment of familiarity when that intimacy isn't there, it's wrong. I don't mind my cigarette guy calling me Sweetie, because we talk about baseball, and the weather and my son whenever I stop in. I'm cool with it because I feel a sense of community with him, and similarly with the waitress at the diner down the street. I have definitely been that uppity woman who has said, I'm not your sweetie to random shopkeepers, because I'm not YOUR  sweetie. In that moment, that intimacy that is built up over time in a real relationship, or through familial bonds, or through gradual friendship is being forced.

It's also quite dismissive. It's a passive way of unruffling feathers when there's a crisis at hand, such as a mistake in an order, or when a cashier is talking on their cell phone instead of taking your order. To assume that to compliment a woman on her beauty or demeanor will keep her in a submissive state is foolish. I'd also like to point out that Sweetie and Honey are diminishing terms, they don't help edify ones of self, they attempt to stun it into a state of submission and that's bullshit.

While I won't deny that I've witnessed my male friends being called Sweetie at restaurants, I'd like to also point out that that instance occurs so rarely to them that it may in fact not register as something that over time, compounded with the daily weight of walking down sidewalks knowing that most males view you as merely a sex object, could get a little tiring. And remember, when men are labeled with temporary intimate labels they are called EDIFYING terms, like Champ, Chief, Big Guy, and Tough Guy....

I guarantee you, if that had been a male reporter, Obama would not have called her sweetie. He would have stopped to learn his name,  which I'm NOT saying he should have done or most likely, adressed the man with an unfamiliar label of respect, probably "sir".....and you have to agree that the difference between sweetie and sir is pretty extensive.

At the end of the day, being called Sweetie is not the biggest issue I will face as a feminist,  but just because there are bigger issues, and this particular one does not mean everything, does not mean that it does not mean anything.

Link

Rob Paranovian and I share a common hatred. Canon in D. He laments his cello playing days, and I reminisce of the time my brass quintet played a benefit at my undergrad. Melly clad in a slinky black slipdress, forgot to hike up the middle of said dress to create some slack for the weight of my tuba. Yes, my tuba..... didn't know that about Melly, did ya??

Anywhoo, halfway through Pachelbel, I felt a pop. It seems both straps of my dress had buckled under the weight of my tuba. And when we finished the concert of typically Baroque flashy numbers and stood for our bows, I clung to that tuba like it was a lifevest, as it was the only thing holding up my dress, and preventing me from exposing my titties to some very important Alumni.

(And the musicologist in me is reminding me that Pachelbel was an organist, hence the "boring" ground line, intended to be played by the foot.....)

Enjoy.....

The judge found that since Ross and Day had previously had a sexual relationship, Ross should have known her claims were "frivolous... there was no reasonable belief that a court would accept Plaintiff's claims..."

The nightmare of this case, for Melanie Ross and for all future rape victims in Georgia, is that she was forced to discuss in elaborate detail her sexual past, and then she had her claims dismissed in part because she wasn't a virgin. Moreover, not only did Ross lose her case, the judge fined her $150,000 for bringing it in the first place - a fee sure to dissuade other victims from coming forward with their own claims. This case is currently being appealed to the Supreme Court of Georgia, which can choose to hear it or not - let's hope they right this wrong before it hurts more victims.

So, if you intend to pursue a rape case in Georgia, prepare to have your sexual history paraded and scrutinized on the stand, despite the fact that it violates BOTH state and federal law.... And remember that if you have engaged in consensual sex at one point in your life, the state of Georgia, who I can only guess is taking their logic from the School of Phyllis Schlafly, will only see you as a ho.

Via Feministing

The California Supreme Court ruled today that same-sex couples should be permitted to marry, rejecting state marriage laws as discriminatory. The long-awaited court decision stemmed from San Francisco's highly publicized same-sex weddings, which in 2004 helped spur a conservative backlash in a presidential election year and a national dialogue over gay rights. Several states have since passed constitutional amendments banning gay marriage. Today, 27 states have such amendments. The reaction to today's ruling outside the courthouse in San Francisco was one of jubilation as couples, once denied marriage, hugged, kissed, shouted and shook their fists at the sky. Holding up a sign that says, "Life feels different when you're married," Helen Pontac said she was beyond words.

While I view marriage as somewhat arcane, far be it for me, or any state legislature to prohibit anyone their right to happiness in the institution of marriage.

Via LA TIMES

Co-ed 5k. Werd. Sounds like fun...... except here's the spin:

The ladies wear little skirts and are given a head start, and the men chase them. $500 bucks to the winner, male or female. Hey! it's a fun way to keep in shape and potentially get laid especially if your gym selection is a little lacking, right??

The site seems innocent of intentional sexism surprisingly. I don't know if all the spring-ness and catcalling in the air is affecting my reaction to this or not.... I'm just not digging the female as the dangling carrot image....and as Salon puts it ".... this is entirely routine -- "edgy" and "innovative" would be putting men in skirts and having women chase after them."

In my opinion it's a poor attempt at gathering a bunch of women in the name of "empowerment', (and exercise) and turning a blind eye to the fact that they are still being treated as objects. The whole thing just kinda confuses me.

Oh, and for the little ones, there's Skirt-Chasers in training...... Really?

Jack at age Four

This story will break your heart. While Honor Killings are nothing new in the news, the cold and composed manner in which this father talks about killing his daughter, who he describes as a mistake he should have destroyed at birth, I couldn't shake.

Her crime? "Falling"for a British soldier. Rand Abdel-Quader was thrown to the ground, stomped and then stabbed by her father, brothers and uncles for speaking with the British soldier. Her shrouded body was then tossed into a shallow unmarked grave, much like an animal, and then spat on. Her mother, who divorced her husband immediately after the killing, left him, and had her arm broken during her escape. She is now in hiding, dodging death threats from her own sons, and working for an organization which fights for woman's rights in Iraq.

Something about this story brings Antigone to mind. Probably the bloodiest of Greek Tragedies, Antigone, daughter of Oedipus, is in my opinion a brilliant attempt at expressing grief in situations where society does not deem it appropriate. For those of you not familiar with Antigone, to boil it down in a chick-pea sized nutshell, Antigone's brother Polynices is killed during war. However, Polynices fought for the bad guys, (traitor to Thebes) and is therefore not to be buried, but to be left where he fell and picked apart by scavenger birds. Well, Antigone isn't having it, and gives her fallen brother a proper burial, and is imprisoned in a cave and hung for her doings. She dies, a virgin (suspended in a sealed cave, or a big vagina if you're into signifiers and decoding myth...... a womb within a womb within a womb) her fiance Haimon, the King Creon's son, stabs himself and dies at her feet, and the son's Momma Eurydice stabs herself in the tummy and rips our her own entrails..... Everyone dies! It's fun for the whole family!!

So, Antigone.... Anti- against, opposed to, gone- seed or semen..... or a more modern usage gyne- gynocology, having to do with all things lady.. A modern translation - in place of mother...Ah those Greeks! So crafty with the etymology. What's a girl to do? What society and your king say, or what her nature is screaming? And so bravely, she disobeys and willingly confesses her crime when caught.

Anywhoo, what's my point? As American's there are very, very few instances when we as a society might feel shamed by our desire to mourn, this is in large part due to our need to see people as individuals first, and criminals second. Don't believe me? How many 20/20 specials have you watched tearful parents lament the loss of their children turned mass-murderers, serial-killers, cult-leaders, pedophiles? Plenty. This is not true for our Iraqi brothers and sisters. They are dismissed as evil and written out of the family, and even more figuratively, snuffed out of history. This woman,and her sisters, like Antigone left hanging in a cave, are trapped in their own sex.

Even though Jack is four and a half years old, this is my fifth Mothers Day. My first was spent in the hospital when I went into labor 14 weeks early. I sat in a hospital bed with a fetal heart monitor strapped to my belly as they fed me intravenous drugs that made my contractions stop, but every muscle in my body shake like a crack addict going through withdrawal. I tried desperately for the next few days to keep Jack inside me. Every three days inside was a huge developmental milestone for him.

On that Sunday morning an older woman entered my room and game me a corsage. I looked at her confused and asked her what the flower was for. She explained to me that even though I was in the Anti-partum wing, I was still a Mommy this sunny Sunday morning, and that the hospital was honoring all Mommies with these corsages. She pinned it on my fugly hospital gown and whistled her way down the hallway.

I cried when she left the room. The day before I had to tell the doctors and midwifes that I wanted Jack circumcised, I planned to breastfeed, and had to face the very true reality that he may be born ridiculously premature....To my incredibly immature 23 year old brain, Jack was not a reality, not just yet......


and somehow, all of these profoundly important choices I was verbalizing, although they were heavy and somewhat immediate, were still not real to me.

Something about that flower on my hospital johnny was though......

One of my favorite you tube vid artists is at it again...... not his best, but that accent is sooooo horrid, you just can't pull away.


Previously on MellysBlog: A Long Island Christmas

I knew it would take something like this for me to resume posting.... I actually saw this circulating around the blogosphere and thought to myself, it's kind of just a tech-geeky chain letter, or one of those annoying forwards your natural-light-starved cubicle-imprisoned friends send to you.... but here goes...

To play the game:


1. Pick up the nearest book.
2. Open to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the next three sentences.
5. Tag five people, and acknowledge who tagged you.

Here we go:

But Shalit's most egregious move is to set up a startling new blame-the-victim paradigm: Not only does a woman deserve individual blame if she's attacked, but, by extension, all women are to blame due to a general lack of modesty that leads to wanton male behavior. Even if her dubious claim that modesty protects against sexual violence were true, she ignores how modesty's complement, shame, has historically served to imprison sexual-assault victims in a mire of guilt and social condemnation. Furthermore, Shalit leaves no room for personal choice: A critical mass of women, she implies, must join the modesty club if men are to be browbeaten into civilized behavior (otherwise, modesty will simply be mocked by men who can still get free sex from loose women).

From the essay "I can't Believe It's Not Feminism! On the Feminists Who Aren't." Published in Bitchfest.

Confession: This was the second book I picked up. The first book had only one sentence on page 123, and I was left in a conundrum..... scanning the bookshelf quickly, I saw Bitchfest, my favorite Feminist Reader, and thought, well hell, I'm sure when other bloggers were memed they thought really hard and carefully before picking up the "first book" lying around......

However, I find it easy to believe that David really did have an Anarchist Reader at his fingertips, (he seems to have an endless supply of indie Anarchist mags and Soy Potato Chips on his person at all times.....)

And so I tag my five victims: Actually, I'm only tagging two, as I can't really find other friend bloggers who haven't already been memed.

Mafoo

Gurf