mellysblog

All week long at everyone's favorite industrial performing space Brooklyn Lyceum, treat yourself to a plethora of sound installations, and evening concerts featuring HOT young composers presented by the MATA Festival.

NEWSPEAK (with yours truly) will share the bill with Either/Or on Friday night to close it all down. The program will feature works of Sean Griffin (a MATA Festival commission), David T. Little, Missy Mazzoli, Richard Carrick, Andrew Byrne and Oscar Bettison. I've heard the Griffin is VERY theatrical...my friend Caleb warned me that he's playing the role of John Cage. Trust me, it'll be a great show, any night you chose to come out.

Tix are $15 for adults, and $10 for students and seniors for the concerts, the installations are free and are presented in collaboration between MATA and Diapason Gallery.

And stay tuned for more info on NEWSPEAK's "Music By, For and Against Frederic Rzewski at age 70" May2nd, also at the Brooklyn Lyceum.

Is that not the MEANEST descending triad you've ever heard????? (Jack's, not mine...)

That's the name of the newest track to be released in anticipation of THE LITTLE DEATH... the musical that Matt is writing, and I'm kind of editing, or at least creatively yaying and naying portions of...

Technical disagreement: If I hit a low B, one 9th BELOW Middle C, and then proceed to sing the G above the staff, it is technically almost three full octaves. It would be completely three, if I somehow work in a high B.... in which case I would then argue that the song has a four octave range in that four different B's in all their magnificent herzitude were represented... no???

Someone be on my team?

Singers are bitches, huh? Either way, stay tuned, I sing crazy low, and crazy high, and do things my voice teacher would not be proud of.... heh heh.


And check out the toolbar on the left side of Matt's blog to download a few tracks from The Little Death.

Ok the burkas are half joke, half necessity. If the real identities of these Afghan women were known they would most likely be killed. It's cute, and somewhat empowering.... I'm posting it because I'd like to draw more attention to their work.


Update: The Burka Band was signed to a German Label!!

In between my recording for The Little Death, I had an audition today.... for someone I have dreamed of singing for. This is good... This means things are happening, and I'm heading the right direction..... But what to do when you feel you sang your best, and you just might not be what they're looking for???

EAT LOTS OF TOLL HOUSE CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES!!!

Yes, eating your weight in cookies works both for pre and POST audition stress. I highly recommend it. Matt's also been low on the iron lately, so I've been making bacon in the morning, and batches of cheeseburgers at night... In conclusion, I'm a total lard ass. Yay!

But in other seriousness, maybe I should make a new "dream gig" list.... that could be kind of fun, right?

In other news, I made it a point this week to Pimp my Google so to speak. I'm totally sporting a new "homepage theme" - plaid- way springy and chic. I also added labels to my e-mails (and they're color-coded) and even MORE exciting, I finally got around to filtering all those annoying e-mails from i-tunes and Jet Blue and stuff...apparently that's called BACN. Anyways, it's all going into a separate color coded folder bypassing my Inbox. Translation: more time for cookies!

Ok, on to the Melly Meat:

Apparently depressed women tend to have more sex than "happy" women, yay sex for validation!!! Except the data was collected from 107 (really??) women in Australia, and because the top editors of Cosmo are Satan's concubine, they will use this data to shame their readers into thinking that they don't really enjoy sex because it feels good, but because they are depressed, and the only way one could possible feel better about oneself is to buy more expensive shit.....

Check out this new vibe that gets all hot and stuff when you get all ummmm hot and stuff....

This French ad kind of makes me want to NOT shave my legs for a month,"Ladies please use" - fuck you French guy. This article completely embodies sexism in the media. Women subject themselves to heinous amounts of torture in the name of beauty to attain some ridiculous idea of pre-pubsescent hairlessness.. that's all fine if you're into it, but the average dude on the street isn't running off to get his balls waxed, he's just not... So why do we have to accept the natural state of the male (smelly and somewhat hairy) but pretend that we are not hairy, or have ever sweat/farted/shat ever. Equality, bitches.

I usually hate the WaPo, but this article on the F word was actually kind of great.

And speaking of WaPo, Laura Sessions Stepp is at it again...and as much as I'm real glad she's "reclaiming" the kitchen, I kind of wish she'd stay in it and shut the hell up...perhaps close her head in the oven while she's at it.

Also, a great interview via Gizmodo with a guy who created his robot girlfriend/wife?? and hopes to start a new sexuality. It's kind of amazing.... I also completely disagree with this article...perhaps because I'm a Geek Girl, and my computer is totes my other bf. I remember when Matt got his new 'puter for Christmas, and there was one day we spent lounging around in bed with three laptops!!! Most relationships wouldn't be able to bounce back from something like that. We're strictly monogamous with our notebooks now, but man, we were a couple of crazy kids then!


And finally, for really realz now, there was a time in my life that I thought I wanted to be an academic, so I kind of related to this. I read a paper today forwarded by my friend/musical collaborator David T. Little (who has a kick ass blog post out today via the NYC Opera on his soldier songs - READ).... anywhoo, this paper read like any normal academic paper... great thesis... lost of bullshit, head drop, snore snore, until I read this:

The essay you have just seen is completely meaningless and was randomly generated by the Postmodernism Generator. To generate another essay, follow this link. If you liked this particular essay and would like to return to it, follow this link for a bookmarkable page.

If you are in need of a good paper, follow this link. Yay for postmodernism!!!!

Werd

I believe I said in my rehearsal on Saturday, "Flacid isn't fun for anyone...." Now I can't remember what it was in reference to.....

via Ad Rants

....I especially enjoyed the trepidation in her face when he pulled out the Marmite....there's not much one can do to make that stuff appetizing....

Tomorrow night I have the privilege of performing with the hauntingly beautiful Molly Thompson @ Zebulon Cafe
258 Wythe Avenue, Williamsburg
FREE

Her singing cellist has the flu, so I'm covering background vocals. It's a great line-up of performers including some of my peers from Newspeak and Passenger Fish. The opening act Latitude/Longitude starts at 8pm.

MOLLY THOMPSON with

Mellissa Hughes, voice
Kamala Sankaram, accordion/voice
Adam Fisher, cello
Taylor Levine, electric guitar
Katie Porter Maxwell, bass clarinet
Sycil Mathai, trumpet
Matt Renzi, sax
Eleonore Oppenheim, bass


Also, Alarm Will Sound has a show Friday and Saturday night this week at The Kitchen. Rep concentrates on arrangements and compositions from the year 1969... Stockhausen, Berio, Stravinsky (arrangements of Wolf Lieder) and an arrangement of The Beatle's Revolution 9 by my amazing Rockstar of a Boyfriend.... ticket info available on their website.

Hill's Star Spencer Pratt is being given his own advice column in the April issue of Radar.... my issue (so far) is not with Spencer, but with the toolbox they have given the "honor" of being the first "Yo Spencer" contributor:

Yo Spencer, So...I really dig this girl, and like, I want her to get me to sleep with her, but like, she just won't. We've already hung out, like, twice, and BOTH TIMES she wouldn't give it up. It's like, bitch, please! I took her to freakin' Baja Fresh AND got her a frozen yogurt. What more does she want!?!? What am I supposed to freakin' do, dude!?!? BEG!?!? Help a bro' out. Word Mike Laguna Beach, CA.

I'm assuming Mike is fake, but after watching an hour of something even trashier than Judge Judy yesterday, I've discovered two things: 1) I enjoy slumming it in vacuous trash occasionally, and 2) I want an advice column!!! I think a Dear Melly feature would be a nice addition to Mellysblog, don't you??? I thought so:

Dearest Mike,
Wow, Baja Fresh AND a frozen yogurt?? what a cock tease! Or perhaps she just saw you for the shallow Laguna Beach sack of shit you really are. Dude, it sounds trite, but she's just not that into you. If she wanted to jump your bones she would have given you some sign by now. Somethings holding her back and my inkling is that it has nothing to do with frozen yogurt. A girl, much like a lot of guys I know, never wants to feel expected to perform or reciprocate generosity on any terms that aren't her own. I think deep down inside, and I really hope this is the case, you'd prefer her to overpower you with her womanly wiles because she's into you, not because you splurged for a taco. If not, I suggest you work it out with a GGW video, and a box of tissues.
~Melly


And now, English subtitles provided for clarity... this video is wrong on many, many levels....like, apparently persons of Hispanic descent are more likely to be lactose intolerant, I actually didn't know that... so California Milk Processing Board, um....fuck you for being ignorant, racist, and misogynist...Bruja-har-har.



Here's a pic from one of the 10 malls in the Dominican Republic currently advertising the Suzuki Swift as the panty dropper... While I'll acknowledge that there are women out there who would get all hot and bothered over a car... come on, a SUZUKI?? It's a glorified mini-van!! Hello, limiting much?? "Oh God, you mean the back seat compartment folds up? I can fit the kids bikes back there, AND take Sparky to the vet? Room for groceries AND my kayak? Oh my God, Oh my God, the trunk space is so...BIG! and gasp! there go my panties.." the original link is down, hopefully because it's o-fucking-ffensive, but remember, when you post something on the internets it's FOREVER.

And finally, wow...... dude, it takes a special man to cruise about town in this. Objectification doesn't get more blatant than The Bitchcruiser. For more in disembodied woman products consult here.

OK, I do more than just watch You Tube all day long, I promise!!!! All day long in front of my Reader, and what do I have to show for it?? burn marks on my thighs from my laptop, and a sore tush.... AND I'm starving.


Whatevs, watch this.. and then watch it a second time and read the scroll bar.....

Ok, this is just amazing....


Will there ever be a time in my life where I DON'T find tasteless Jesus jokes hilarious????

God, I hope not.

ZOE BELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We knew this day was coming!!!!!! But seriously people, why the hell would you hire Zoe Bell, a living, breathing, stunt artist..... only to have her walk off a boat never to be heard from again.... Cameo, my ass!! I mean, come on!!!!!! I waited and waited... no Zoe. Where the fuck is Zoe?? Oh, she'll be back, I said out LOUD, she's gonna pull some crazy shit, just you wait. You know she can hold her breath for like, a year....



Why just jump off a boat?? My God, I could have done that. No swandive?? At least let her do a cannonball, come on!!!



Lame.... Lamer than Lame....Lame-o.

Dearest Ones, to prepare you for what you will see Sunday evening.... first familiarize yourself with the source materials....
Britney Spears - Toxic


Jacob Cooper then took a snip from the audio sample and time stretched it to equal roughly quarter note = 34.86. Really freaking slow!! Listening to this is sort of the equivalent to staring at your pores in an intensely strong mirror, it really highlights all the imperfections, (and also makes you realize that sound engineers are GODS) Here's the slow stretched sample from Toxic ( just the chorus).

Cooper then re-orchestrated it for live band (keys, guitar, drumset, electronics, and vocals). At first, to be honest, I wasn't entirely sure if it would be interesting enough to keep the audiences attention, however... the gaps that are left in the slow tempo are now being filled in with some pretty freaking awesome solo licks, mainly played by my buddy James Moore on guitar. We also have plenty of effects and pedals to run through..... so "Oops I did it again" now sounds like a Beach Blanket Bingo Luau!!! In a sense, there's new musical material with in the old, a song with in a song. It's really cool.

Also, Hit me Baby One More Time real slow, sort of sounds like a bare-boned version of the Moonlight Sonata, it's even in the same key.

Now, a word on how I approached the vocals... with things stretched this slow, and with the sampled vocals never really lining up with the backing track, the idea was to really emulate the disjunction and imperfections and freaking revel in it. A click track was totally necessary. It enabled me to arrive both early and late at times, and do that whacky non-rhythmic and now really slow wide vibrato thing while still maintaining a sense of tempo that I'm trying somewhat to ignore. Oh the layers!!! I mean, half of what singing is, is physics: how to manipulate a set of pipes to vibrate at a certain frequency and be heard a certain distance away.... the other half is making it look like you aren't thinking about the physics...and trying to look purty. Throw in a blond wig, a sparkley dress that would make any 9-year-old want to key my Porsche, some purple Robitussin, and a little moonwalkin' and you'll see why Sunday night promises to be pretty darn special.

And in case you were interested, here's the recording we made of Toxic back in January. It's multi-tracked, so it loses a lot of the "band" magic that happens when six sweaty musicians are rocking out in a small studio apartment, but you'll get the drift.

werd, see you all in pop heaven.....

Taste my Tragedy.....
Jacob Cooper, Composer and Producer
Yuka Igarashi, Librettist
J.J. Lind, Director

Mellissa Hughes, BRITNEY
Ted Hearne, JUSTIN
James Moore, Guitar
Trevor Gureckis, Keyboard
David Skidmore, Drums

March 16th, 2008
7:30 pm and 9 pm (2 shows)
Tickets: $10 / $8 for students
advanced purchase here

The Tank
279 Church Street between Franklin and White
A, C, E, J, M, Z, N, Q, R, W, or 6 to Canal Street
1 to Franklin Street


It's Platinum Love Time, Baby.....

Perhaps you know already that Kellogg's Corn Flakes and Graham Crackers were originally created to control the sexual urges in youth in the late 19th Century..... but did you know that prior to the year 1712, masturbation wasn't seen as a mortal sin? We have a fictitious little pamphlet written by a self-taught surgeon John Marten to thank for that. Onania, the 80-odd paged pamphlet warned of the signs of the bad touching- headaches, bowel problems, rheumatism, gonorrhea, and my personal favorite, short-sightedness, or going blind.... Onania's readers were encouraged to purchase the accompanying "Strengthening Tincture", and "Prolific Powder", which would ensure their nocturnal desires remained dormant....probably forever.

Incidentally, Onania gets its name from Onan, the Biblical character who "spills his seed" on the ground, rather than in his wife. He is then STRUCK DEAD by God.

Withdrawal method=BAD
Rhythm method=GOOD....

and generation upon generation upon generation of sexually oppressed wanker-spankers were born....


via The Smart Set

William Burke, co-founder and president of the City of Los Angeles Marathon to Press:


"You can't keep those women down. You can't get them back in the kitchen."

Via LA TIMES

My Dad used to sing in a jug band... yes, a jug band, with a washboard, and the washtub with the broom handle and string, and guitar, and the jug.... I remember him dressing up with other men and singing this song at a church function, it may have even been a pig roast, and all the good little church wives smiling and laughing along...

and a little feminist's "lack" of sense of humor was born.

Here's Candice Bergen and the Muppets interpretation of "Put another log on the Fire"

Video of my rehearsal last week for Katrina Ballads... I'll post some video from the performance eventually, but there were a LOT of sound issues, and I'm just not that used to singing with a mic yet. Give it a listen, it's real purty.

Quote from Marc Levitan, Director of Louisiana State University's Hurricaine Center.

Quit my job to do more of this.