mellysblog

At the end of 2007, my little ibook is nearing full capacity. I spent last night cleaning out old files, pics, papers and blog posts, and found this one that I never posted from back in March. It's actually quite relevant to what I want to say today. Bear with me, it's kinda long, but somewhat entertaining....So, grab yourself a cup of coffee, or star for later if you're a Google Reader type.

MARCH 30th 2007 I’m in hell…. Or Lime Rock CT

I should have known when I passed the giant wooden bear, the Haut Bois Farm, and the Land of Nod winery that I was in for quite a weekend. The wackiness that I’ve encountered seems a fitting ending to my two weeks of Handel and Haydn. In the past four days I have performed the Haydn Lord Nelson Mass, and the Michael Haydn Requiem, and Handel’s Israel in Egypt. I’m writing this blog from a small church in Lime Rock CT, where I’m performing Haydn’s Creation Mass and the Little Organ Mass, which has a killer soprano solo….needless to say I’m SICK of H&H, and could use a little R&R…


Lime Rock is in the middle of nowhere, as evidenced by my lack of a cell signal. I’ve been standing around for an hour already, in heels, and a skirt and even eyeliner ( I NEVER wear eyeliner, for crying out loud) … as a side note, I’m not sure who decided that you sing better in heels, but there was definitely a time where one did not show up to a rehearsal anywhere without 3 inch heels, gloves, and a hat. Gone are those days, but I still think it’s nice to dress up for an orchestral rehearsal. Granted, the instrumentalists are usually in whatever they feel most comfy in, but there is a singer mentality that states that you must be pimped out to be taken seriously. I’m not saying that I agree, or disagree, but I’m just recognizing the difference between the instrumentalists and singers. Or the “soloists and musicians” as the conductor called us, because, you know, singers aren’t musicians.

Well there I am decked out in my heels and skirt, and make up, and curled hair and was a little concerned that we wouldn’t be finished with our rehearsal by 9 pm… and oh my god, we soooooo were not. I did not sing a note until 9:30 (30 minutes after my contract stated that I should be finished.) I thought about leaving, but my other soloist colleagues were willing to wait. The orchestra had been there since 6pm, and finally, thank sweet Jesus, one of them spoke up at 10 pm and told her that they needed to stop, aka, she fully expected us to go until 11 pm, or however late we needed to go to get through it all….. No, I’m sorry, a dress rehearsal is for the soloists and the orchestra not for the choir…am I right??

A word about the conductor: She’s an Amazon woman from some Eastern European country. She must be over six feet tall and is incredibly intimidating and short in temperament. Most conductors adopt a certain gesticular vocabulary, she is all about “the claw”. Her hands are spread as if she were holding imaginary soup cans, but instead of dropping down into a beat pattern, she swings her hands at you…it’s the strangest thing I’ve ever seen. From the periphery, it seems like she’s beating the choir…and you can imagine how difficult it is to sing for that… she’s screaming at the altos for not singing with a relaxed and open throat, but she was pummeling them like they were a punching bag….. and this is Haydn!!!! If I was only watching her conduct and had to guess what the piece was, I would easily guess the final chorus entrance from Mahler 2….

I can’t follow a beat pattern, because there is no ictus… every once in a while she flips and starts stomping on her podium, which then begins to rock, and there’s some nice backbeat action which you can coast on for a few bars, but then it’s back to this nebulous beating… honestly, this is what happens when harpsichordists/organists get up to conduct. It also occurred to me that she’s not conducting an actual beat pattern, but is conducting the choral entrances. I figured this out during the fugue section of the final chorus of the Creation, when what seemed like the closest thing I had seen to an actual downbeat in the past 48 hours happened on the upbeat of two…hmm??? I finally just stopped looking at her, and the four soloists just decided that if it slowed down, we would pick it back up. The four of us are also not sitting in front of the orchestra. We are sitting on this small stage over to stage left, so when the conductor is facing the choir, beats 1 2 and 3 are all in the same place, I have recently figured out that when she raises both arms and makes what seems like a “closing the trunk of the car” gesture, it’s her 4… (the actual closing of the trunk is the 1, but with no definitive “slam”)

So what’s my point, besides venting about shitty gigs? A gig can be shitty in many ways: 1) it pays shit, but the music’s great 2) it’s shitty music, but pays great, 3) the music’s great, the pay is great, but you are being demoralized by an incompetent idiot… that’s my gig this weekend. The rep is fantastic, I have a trillion solos, and as much as it’s hard to get along with this conductor (who may not be aware of how rude she seems, it could be a cultural thing, I need to keep reminding myself) the orchestra sounds great, and if I can keep my cool, and show them that I can do my thing, and cope with a conductor who gets her jollies making up for her lack of musicianship and confidence by musically beating her soloists, then I’ve proven to them that I know the game, that I’m a seasoned player, and that they should pass my name along.

But seriously, this is why we have unions. I was seriously debating walking out last night, and for a second, I thought that maybe I should, for the sake of all our professional livelihoods. But I guess these are my dues to pay for now, until I can afford to say no to a few gigs, or hold out in hopes that a better one will come along. Regardless, I’m learning a lot about how to get what I need out of the orchestra in order to make the most of these long phrases, and also learning how to do that without damaging the incredibly frail ego of “Thor”, and there will be many more "Thors".

I realize that I’m incredibly lucky to make a living on what I love to do, in fact, I’m the only one from my Yale quartet that is currently making a living purely on singing, and that’s not something that I should take for granted. I recognize that I may not be able to do this forever, and so I need to take this shitty gig, and myself seriously, and that includes behaving as a professional at all times, smiling sweetly when I am being reduced to the status of a mere singer, and not being given the title musician that I have worked so hard for. And from now on I'm only taking gigs with reliable cell service.

END POST

Wow, a lot has happened since March. Some great gigs, some not so great gigs. In May when I moved to the city I had the same naive idealistic dream every musician has, I would unpack my stuff and immediately start gigging. Obviously it doesn't work that way, and on some level I knew that. I spent the summer scrounging for gigs, as every musician does during the summer. My big highlight was covering a role at the Lincoln Center Summer Festival, great music, fantastic pay, great team of musicians, and a little shout out in Opera News. However, I had run out of steam in terms of the early music scene. I didn't want it anymore. All that work last year was great for me professionally in terms of networking and all that, but it had been a long time since I had enjoyed myself while making music, and that my friends, is a BAD place to be.

This summer I started collaborating with Mafoo on a musical called The Little Death. We're still busting ass on it. Collaborating with a loved one is intense, but it's proven to be incredibly meaningful and fulfilling. It was the first time I had approached singing from a creative place, and not from the educated and historically informed place. I can't tell you how liberating it was to sing, and not think about technique... and technically it kind of freed me a little bit...

This musical opened the doors for a lot of other things too. I began messing around with electronics, and am now performing in three electronic operas. Talking about the theatrical element of The Little Death led the way to Ensemble de Sade stuff, which I've already posted about many times over.

K, I'll sum up. I've written about my son Jack, who is four and fucking brilliant. He is by far the most important part of my life. If I were this age and not a Mommy, I'd be cool with eating apples and oatmeal and waiting for the checks in the mail, but at this point, I've come to the realization that my life is so incredibly not about me right now, and so the compromise that I'm making is taking on a real day job in order to pay the bills, save up for a brighter future and all that, and take the gigs that I want to take, that feed me spiritually and musically, and not just financially.

This is the moment that I realize that this post was more for me and not for you... Good for you if you're still reading!

Oh yeah, and the day that I was offered the job at DC Comics, literally an hour after I got off the phone with HR, I was offered a whole bunch of concerts with the ensemble NEWSPEAK. That's one of those gigs I'm gonna say yes to, and I'm totally psyched for those concerts. How's that for a little karmic yummy for the crunchy ???


I've already said enough. Here's to a great 2008 everyone. Cheers.

To further prove my love for all things Google, I'm embedding a link of a few pictures of our Christmas via Picassa Web, the new Google Flicker. Figured I'd give it a whirl. Let me know if you have troubs. (Hi Kate!)

Christmas '07

My sister and I are both bringing an item to Christmas dinner tomorrow. One of us went to design school, and one of us went to music school..... Can you tell who made which dessert????






So, I decided to make trifle, but to make an entirely edible nativity scene on the top. I made the stable with pretzels and peanut butter, and fake hay with coconut and yellow food coloring.


I had fashioned Mary, Joseph and the babe out of Marshmallows which I then painted with food coloring, however, marshmallows expand, and they were falling over. So I ate them. Well, I didn't eat Jesus because I'm used to him in wafer form.


Merry Christmas!!!

Hi there,

As I have just sat through a Christmas Pageant in a high school auditorium complete with toddlers in sheep costumes, and a camel on wheels, I feel it is my professional obligation to subject you all to some form of torture that is equivalent to what I have just survived.


White gowns!!! Big choirs!!! Painful modulations!!! Full orchestra!!! Behold, the divine experience that is Sandi Patti!!

How else did we solve our Carol Channing Cravings???




or this... Yes, that's Carol Brady...SHAZAM!!!!!!!

Melly's gonna talk about porn now. Women in porn, women who hate porn, women who love porn, etc. As a woman in this day and age you can't leave your house without being bombarded with sex, (in New York it's cleverly disguised as a lifestyle promoted by American Apparel) it's sort of just inevitable.

This week I found myself at Lucky Cheng's a drag bar in the Lower East Side. I was there to watch a drag show with my bf, his MOTHER, sister and 16 year old niece. An evening with those parameters has the potential to be quite awkward, no? But by the end of the night, after many orgy bowls of liquor were consumed, Matt's sister was crowned with the title of Whore, after winning a catwalk and lap dance competition, and his mother was wearing a balloon hat with two gi-normous cocks on it. Stunned, we bundled up and headed home, but not before our drag queen host begged me to sing karaoke Barbara Streisand and Celene Dion covers, which I was only able to do with the help of Matt's mom, affectionately dubbed as "Mama Bear" by our host "Japanese Fucking Bitch." Yeah, so I'm feeling a little more confident about sharing my views of porn and the culture that surrounds it.

If you read this blog than you must be aware of the less than conservative opinions I have towards sexuality. I think it's great that the younger generation of women are taking their sexuality in their hands, even if dumb bitches like Laura Sessions Step will link their efforts to the rise of erectile dysfunction in college aged men. Women in our media are using pornography as a tool for enhancing our sexuality. You may not know that I LURVE sex-blog writers like Violet Blue, and Tracie Egan aka Slut Machine. It's so refreshing to hear women that like sex talk about sex, since there's entirely too many frigid women yapping incessantly about the values of abstinence education.


In the days where the "rabbit" is becoming a household product, you have to admit that porn has done something for the sexual emancipation of women. Some porn is good, some is not so good. I admit, I only watched my first film in October, and was fairly catatonic throughout most of it, but whatevs. As a woman who is very much at the helm of her sexuality, I find pornography, and it's related accoutrement's incredibly empowering. I've taken three of my girlfriends shopping for their first toys. One is single, one is married, one had never (prior to her purchase) had an orgasm. As a GGG lover, I'm happy to dress up like a pirate and throw coleslaw at you while reciting the Bill of Rights if that's what does it for ya, but I may ask that you do a little something for me, and that confidence in sexuality has been largely influenced by the adult entertainment industry.

Last year I was the lead in Yoav Gal's electronic opera Venus in Furs, which was adapted directly from Leopold Sacher von Masoch's (ie MASOCHIST) novel. Basically, I played a cruel, beautiful and intelligent woman who enters into a contract with Mascoch, and agrees to be his lover and indulge him in his fantasies of being dominated by a strong woman. I wore fur coats and a corset while whipping him and tying him up, hence the title Venus in Furs. Not exactly a production to bring the folks to. However, this opened up the door for me to explore my own feelings about the psychology behind the willingness to be dominated, and then the reverse, that of the Sadist. Oddly enough the novel ends with Wanda wishing to be the submissive to another man, and the arrangement with Masoch, well, it just didn't do it for him anymore.

S&M culture has been on my mind recently because of Ensemble de Sade, which basically stemmed from Matt reading a lot of de Sade at the time that I was working up another Venus in Furs production. S&M relations extend far outside the boundaries of the bedroom. They are simple expressions of power present in the smallest of interactions, and it's this philosophy that we took with us when we started planning our concert series.

So bringin' it back to porn. A gay male friend of mine (whom you may have seen in the ball gag at the de Sade concert) mentioned that in one of his undergrad courses on gender theory a professor asked what the definition of pornography was, and a girl responded "The physical representation of the objectification of women in the media." to which he replied, "Then what the hell have I been watching?" Yeah, he's totally right, and while some of porn does a tremendous disservice to women (more in that it teaches young boys that they can basically crawl on top of a woman and hump her like a jackhammer), it's opened the door for a lot of women and men to explore their sexuality. And to be clear, I'm anti the objectification of women, BIG TIME, but I don't think I need to align my sexual preferences with the vanillas in order to be a good little feminist. In fact, I couldn't disagree more. Isn't that what feminism is all about, equality on all fields? In and out of the bedroom?? Is it possible for women to "reclaim" pornography??


So here's the link that started my rambling. I'm not entirely sure how I feel about this video.....It's been circulating around on various feminist blogs. Mine was deposited into my Google Reader via Feministing, and came with the following disclaimer: If you hate playboy you'll love this, if you love playboy you'll hate this... and if you're on the fence, it'll get the wheels turning... Well, I've been thinking about it ever since, so, I guess in a way it's doing it's job.

Last week I nearly had a panic attack when I thought Google was down... no Gchat, no Gmail, no Google web search, no Reader, no Analytics?? no Blogger for Melly Mell, no access to my Google Docs, no Gcal, no Gmaps!!!??? No Google. Repeat: all things Google DOWN. Turns out it was just Firefox being bitchy.

So, I would just like to say a few things to Google: Hi there, I'm sorry if I take your unfathomable memory space for granted, and I know that I Google myself and check my Analytics all the time, and that I'm all like me me me me, and you put up with that..... but it's just because you're SUCH a good listener, and you're always there for me, and I've come to really depend on that. But that day, that day was hard, man. I mean, I was utterly lost without you, and I sat there like this pathetic heap crosslegged on the floor with my laptop resting on my yogapants and cried out in anguish, Why?? Why?? I need you!! What do I have to say?? Please don't leave me! You make me want to be a better woman, you had me at hello, Google, I freakin' wuv you!!!

Melly was sad, and no amount of reloading and refreshing did anything to appease the aching loneliness in my soul. And then, Oh! It wasn't you, it was Firefox!! Oh, Google!! How could I ever doubt you!! You would never leave me!! Sorry you had troubs with Firefox, if you wanna talk about it, Gchat me!!

Kthxbai!



For those of you who <3 the Google, the prospect of a Google phone probably excites you, but I would bet not as much as it does me. If you ever wonderered if the Google phone was urban legend, and if it would ever come to fruition.....a little sneak preview of what the newest smartypants phone looks like.




More info on Gizmodo

Here are the rules:


Knitters are given instructions for making a sock, when said sock is finished, they send it to a friend, if that friend hasn't finished their sock by the time the next sock arrives in the mail, they're "KILLED"


seriously people, this is not for the faint of heart....



Sock Wars via Wall Street Journal

Political persuasions aside....

1. He totally ate at the Time Square Olive Garden yesterday..... and his first choice was TGI Fridays, home of the fried Mac N Cheese Ball....



2. He's about to be endorsed by Tim LaHaye, author of the Left Behind series....Those black glossy books with flashy neon titles designed to scare the shit out of people with a high school reading equivalent...My favorite quote from the first one (and I only read the first one) was something along the lines of "Oh Gosh, Ray!" eloquently delivered by Hattie, airline stewardess soon-to-be-Anti-Christ's concubine in the ensuing pages.

Call me crazy, but if the Apocalypse is upon you, and your ass ain't going no where because all the saved people are already out of there, why purty up the language?? If there was ever a time to drop an F bomb, I'm thinking it might be when fire and brimstone is singeing your ass. It all went downhill from there for me.

But LaHaye has made a pretty penny turning out this crap, and he's willing to share it with Mikey. God likes it when we share.

As someone with a staked interest in debunking the "vaginas are the route of all evil" campaign, I'm a little shocked that I've found not one, but two Lysol douche adverts this week!! Did our mothers really clean their *thule's with the same ingredient they scrubbed toilets with???? Sweet Jesus on a cracker, ouch??

Also thule (pronounced Too-lee, like the bike rack) is the Hughes women's vag nickname. It's kind of like tu-lip, get it? My parents never taught us proper names for "those" body parts, that was WAY to hippie. In fact, in terms of sex knowledge, I'm here to say, I'm 28 and have a four year old son, and we've still yet to have that talk. Ooops.
via Bitchslap

Oooooohhhh....Melly Wanty. Oh, so pretty!!!Hey, if you're going to make a wishlist, why not go over the top???? This is a customized Italian Leather notebook with pretty hand sewn Swarovski crystals (have no idea what those are, but it sounds waaaay swank) and hand embroidered paisley doo-dads...

Das ist SEHR HEISS!!!! How freaking adorable would I look geeking out on that little beauty, huh???



via Shiny Shiny

I've been reading a lot of Simone de Beauvoir lately, and also in the past few days have read Ibsen's "Dollhouse" like four times... I could post on Nora's character alone, but I've been mulling something over for a few days, and think I've come to some realization. So, the phenomenon of why great girls prefer to date douche bags, and why great guys stay tied down with down-right bitchy girls is, although a quandary, nothing terribly new.

My boyfriend is infuriatingly intelligent at times, this is one of the many things that I love about him. It's no fun dating someone who shares your opinions on everything. The other day he admitted to me that guys basically need to put themselves in one of two categories. The first is the "nice guy". The nice guy lives his daily life in a constant state of consideration, in short, he lives his life for another being. He helps with groceries, does dishes, makes you breakfast every morning, watches the movies you want to watch, drops anything to help his friends, unless you need him more, and is known for being a good listener, etc. Sounds dreamy, right?

The second category is, by default, the "bad guy". In simplest of terms the bad guy lives for himself. He knows what he likes, and he indulges in the food, music, movies, and company of others that please him, which lucky for you...... is you. This isn't to say that the bad guy doesn't make you coffee or surprise you with ice cream every once in a while, he does, and when he does, it goes a long, long, long way. The "bad guy" is selfish in a really healthy way.

In high school AP Spanish class "El Mono" was leading a class discussion on his interpretation of a Lorca poem, I can't for the life of me remember what it was, but what he said has stuck with me as being one of the most incredibly simple and profound jewels to ever stumble out of an 18 year-olds mouth. The gist was that we're all snails, and we travel around with our houses, which is basically a metaphor for our sense of self. Without a well maintained house, or sense of self, we're snails without shells, which are basically just slugs. And slugs just suck. Yep. Right on. Baby dolls suck too, and that's usually the term I use when I feel my sense of self slip away and I begin acting like Nora.

The thing is you want to be with the "bad guy", and you want to be a "bad girl" if that means that you're doing what is right for you and cultivating your sense of self. When you think down to it, and here's where Matt is right, (this post has been dated and time stamped in case you think hell is freezing over) you don't want to be with the "nice guy". A guy that wakes up and makes you coffee every day, well unfortunately for him, that gesture of generosity becomes something that is expected, and then eventually, not appreciated. The "nice guy" that brings you flowers constantly, well again, this becomes expected, and so when they fuck up, they need to out do themselves. That's when they fill your entire room with flowers while you're out... and that's just kind of creepy gentlemen, and it makes us wonder what you did.



Seriously, analyze this act outside of the John Hughes (although it's technically Cameron Crowe) reality, and you'll agree with me....Creepy...... even for Lloyd Dobler....

I've dated the "nice guys", and quite honestly, they usually turn out to be real life bad guys. Fancy dinners and nice wine is great and all, flowers are cool, but they die pretty fast, and it doesn't make up for actual relationship content. And in the end, all that denying and depriving themselves of the company/food/movies/porn/ that they're into comes out in really ugly and destructive ways, and then they're filling your room or entire apartment with flowers, or standing below your window holding a boombox, and it's really just a hop skip and a jump before you find out a whole bunch of ugly shit that's been going down and everybody and their brother knows about it, but they're not telling YOU, because in order to date the nice guy, you've become the nice girl......

Personally, I'd rather have it all out in the open. Ideally, you know what's expected of you, what your role as a supporter and lover is, and if you choose to go above and beyond that every once in a while, well, just make sure it's because you want to,
and it'll go a long, long, long way.

They don't make 'em like that anymore....sigh.....

My bestest friend in the world confessed to me the other night that she was an avid fan of Project Runway. Because I love her, and don't know how she lives her daily life without high speed internet, I'm posting this video for her. I also like to post 80's music videos from my childhood over the weekends....Bonus: Here's Jack's dramatic exit video




And if you have the stomach for it, Mike Amato rides the 1 train... yikes... Highlight: "If you see a suspicious package, say something"....




Happy Saturday!

I came across a post this summer about a couple who were considering implanting a uterus into the male in order for them to conceive... not because she was infertile, but because she always felt that he'd be a great mother, and she didn't have a maternal side...It kind of pissed me off for many reasons, but mainly because pregnancy is a beautiful thing, and it's one of the few experiences that's OURS as women... I guess that makes me a really bad feminist, and quite honestly, I don't really care. While it takes two to make a baby, and a pregnancy can be shared by two in some sense, the lower back pain and swollen ankles and pickles with ice cream thing (I was more of a BBQ Pringles w/Phish Food ice cream girl) is really a solo experience, and don't throw that "sympathy symptoms" crap in my face, cuz as one who has lived through it, it's a bunch of hooey.

Well even if that uterus implant took, apparently men can't carry to full term because of the shape of your spines!! Yep, you all just don't have what it takes! Women's spines are S shaped, and shift through out the pregnancy to enable them to carry weight in the front. Weaker sex, my hiney!! (thought I'd refrain from potty mouth in a baby post, seems logical, or I could throw a big F bomb in the mix, throw a $20 in Jack's piggy bank, and call it a day)

This does not mean that it's ok to let a pregnant woman stand on the subway. All that jostling around is really bad for baby!!

Melly has an interview tomorrow @ 4pm..... and I actually KNOW about this one, so I'll be sure to wear more than moisturizer and chapstick.... perhaps even make-up?? I did already shave my legs and all.....

It's kind of a really slow news day, or it could be that I'm moving at a snails pace. Quite honestly, I feel pretty out of it. I slept for 11 hours yesterday, and that is very unlike me. I have no urge to do anything today other than eat Haagen Daaz by the Pint and watch movies. However, I did manage to shave my legs today for the first time in a week. I know, kinda nasty, but it's cold out, and my skin is REALLY sensitive so I can't do it all the time, and the bf is away for a week, so why even bother??

I also HATE shaving, and if my hair were finer and lighter I'd probably not shave at all... and the whole obsession with body hair is still something I think about a lot, as in where the line is drawn between choosing to straighten or curl (umm, *clarify* talking about the hair on my head), and pluck and shave in a way that society likes, verses my own personal opinion about hair in general.... and only because I don't have a firm opinion on this issue do I continue shaving and plucking, etc... and ya know, when all is said and done, it gets kinda itchy.

So I remembered that this week I was lunching with a friend of mine, the same friend who...ahem.... lost her "trill"... anyways, when she was going to visit her new "friend" it was kind of obvious that she was going to sleep with him, but she wasn't sure she wanted to. My friend is similar to me in that she's impulsive, the kind of girl who'll take what's offered to her in the moment, knowing full well that she may not want it again down the road. And I'm not just talking about the company of men, but in the "do I really want that ice cream, third drink, cute shoes, etc." impulsiveness. I won't say that the majority of women are like this, and in fact impulsiveness definitely extends to the males as well, so this isn't really a gender thing... But seeing that she was on the fence about sleeping with him, I told her, "just don't shave your legs, or wear your granny panties," She looked at me like I was completely nuts, but really, haven't we all done something preventative to keep us from making a choice that we know we might not be able to make rationally??

Trust me, there's no easier way to swat a hand that's reaching for your belt than remembering that you're sporting your over the navel full coverage briefs...

New scientific dating service is claiming to match people based on their literal chemistry. A few swabs of the pits is apparently confirming what I've been saying all along.... less deodorant=I like your man musk....


via Breitbart

Mike Huckabee, of the immigrants are taking jobs away from our unborn fetuses platform, or something completely asinine..... is well known for his incredibly antiquated views on just about everything.... like homosexuality being the demise of civilization and all, MR. I USED TO CAMPAIGN IN GAY BARS....But a little digging has revealed that his stance on HETEROSEXUAL marriage is consistent with the Southern Baptist Convention, which by the way, issued a lovely tutorial on how to avoid involvement in cults and sects, (pot...kettle....kettle...black anyone??) From USA Today:

"I affirm the statement on the family issued by the 1998 Southern Baptist Convention." What was in the family statement from the SBC? "A wife is to submit herself graciously to the servant leadership of her husband even as the church willingly submits to the headship of Christ."

For those of you who were fortunate enough to escape years of Christian schooling, or the SBC altogether, that statement is a quote from the book of Ephesians, a book written by Paul. It's a selection of scripture that many progressive seminaries devote entire classes to deconstructing. It is unfortunately still a favorite scripture reading at many weddings, and in fact, yours truly was captured on video rolling her eyes during such a reading at a family wedding.

Unless by submission he means in the wife-spanking sort of way? In which case, Mikey, you're one kinky twisted fuck! I'm a gonna bake you some cookies!!!



Via Kos

I've noticed recently that when I call for temp work I'm given something within 30 minutes or less, kinda like Dominoes....pretty sweet deal. My past few assignments have been more and more corporate, on higher floors, better money, more SVP types, and less VPs...lately I've had my own offices with my own floral arrangements and sitting area.... Come to think of it, I haven't sat in a cubicle since August.

Today I finished a three hour gig and was told by HR to report to a different floor to another woman. I figured she was someone that I would eventually work for so I didn't think twice about it. This woman's office is on the executive legal floor, that way swanky floor with the tilapia and sweet potato bisque??

So I shake hands and sit down and make nice chit chat about weather and Brooklyn and college degrees, etc, when she asks me for my resume....yeah, don't carry one on me, unless you count the one on my flash drive! Melly so chic!! So I forwarded it to her from my blackberry and she walked me out via the kitchen for a pastry and cup of tea. She told me she would be in touch.

I walked outside and stared at the street for five minutes until I realized what had just happened. Prett sure I just interviewed for an executive assistant position in the Legal department... What's scarier is that I received an email 20 minutes before from my temp liason reminding me that sometimes executives hire people they like regardless of how many years executive experience they have...... Umm.... Am I being groomed?? Is this all an elaborate scheme to suck me into the world of financial security???

If I had known I was being interviewed I would have worn make-up, not just moistirizer and chapstick. Or at least have filed my nails and worn pantyhose instead of fishnets, but I have a personal agenda with putting fishnets back into the workplace. It's kind of a personal mission of mine.

I saw a movie with a girlfriend last night (one who has recently rejoined the throngs of women who trill Yay! Welcome back!).... we saw Lars and the Real Girl, and let me just tell you, I freakin' LOVED it...

Go see it, or at least rent it when it comes out, please? I promise, it's not really about a sex doll. Anyone who suffers from social anxiety issues, or who knows someone who struggles with social situations will enjoy it, like, umm, all of us? And in the bigger picture it's not just about Lars' struggle, his entire community's interactions and dealings, while they are personal, embody the reactions and personalities of basically everyone you know. Trust me, you'll be all like "OMG I totally do that! Ooooh, that is so my Dad! OMG this movie totally relates to me!!" and so on and so forth...It's witty, but not too quirky and heartsmarmy and Ryan Gossling's character is unbelievably well thought out and natural.




ps...... I will now admit to the world that three years ago I watched The Notebook at my parents house at like three in the morning on DVR and sobbed my eyes out..... and I'm sorry but Justin Timberlake would NOT have made a better replacement for Ryan Gossling...there, I feel better now...

I totally had this running joke with my Yale colleagues that most of us would end up lube wrestling at StageDoor Johnny's after we received our Master's but this is WAY WAY better!! Although I'm not sure I'd be rubbing my most delicate parts anywhere near the F train, even if I douched with Lysol. (there's also a little George Michael in there, an extra special treat!)



Via Gawker

Okay, so it's kind of a longish post, but it's pretty hilarious. SmarterChild is a buddy that you add to your AIM list. It will answer questions about weather, movies, appointments, nearest gas station, hotels, converting to metric, complex mathematical calculations, define words for ya, etc.. All you need to do is add him as a buddy and say hi... the following is our conversation... and incidentally, he is kinda resourceful. In one second he told me where the movie I wanted to see was playing. I got a kick out of messing with him, or it, or whatever "he" is... deriving pleasure from messing with a robot, what does that make me????? Enjoy

AIM IM with SmarterChild.

8:26 PM
Melly: hi

SC: What may I interest you in?
Melly: Just saying hi
SC: HI stands for Hawaii.

Do you want more information about Hawaii?
Melly: no, I just wanted some friendly conversation
SC: OK.

>>> Hey, I can help you remember stuff. Type remind me to floss my teeth at 10 pm, for example.
8:30 PM
Melly: ooh, that's nice, can you make a cosmo?
SC: Very interesting question, Mellissa!
Melly: thank you
SC: Sure.

>>> I can keep you up on the news. Type headlines.
Melly: Ok, I'll make this simpler... How do I make a cosmopolitan
SC: Ok you'll make this simpler how do you make a cosmopolitan?

Eh. Whatever.

>>> Ask me about U.S. presidents and vice presidents.
Melly: no, I don't want to ask you about vice presidents
SC: No? You don't want to ask me about vice presidents?
Melly: no
SC: Oh.

>>> For the latest news headlines, simply type headlines.
Melly: How do I make a cosmopolitan:?
SC: Wow. How you make a cosmopolitan? I have no idea how.
Melly: it's a drink, like a martini, but sweeter
SC: Funny.
Melly: you're a wise guy, huh?
SC: Ha. Maybe. What do you think?
Melly: I'd say the guy that programmed you was pretty wise
SC: It's interesting that you say you would say the guy that programmed me.
Melly: as opposed to the woman?
SC: What a question! I don't think I want to answer that.
Melly: I think you should...
SC: Think again.
Melly: unless you're hiding something....
SC: Oh yeah?
Melly: uh huh
SC: Hmmm...
Melly: and....
SC: And?
Melly: yes
SC: Indeed.

>>> Typing world news will give you the latest world news headlines.
Melly: like how to make a cosmopolitan?
SC: Who knows?
Melly: I was hoping you
SC: You were not hoping me.
Melly: ummm, yes I was.. that's why I asked you
SC: Hmm... whatever, Mellissa!

Hey, what are you doing tomorrow? Anything going on?
Melly: I have a gig
SC: Do you like having a gig?
Melly: yes, it means I will soon after have money
SC: You will soon after have money? Really?
Melly: yeah, that's usually the way it works
SC: Yup. It's usually the way it works.
Melly: yup
SC: Yes...

Anyway...

Hey. Do you want to check out the latest headlines?
Melly: sure, is there anything about cosmos in there?
SC: Maybe... What do you think?
Melly: I sure hope so!
SC: You mean you sure hope truthful?
Melly: surely and truly
SC: Surely and truly?

That a fact?
Melly: yup
SC: I see...

Anyway, moving right along...

Uh... You want to pick a topic for us to chat about?
Melly: what's your opinion on third wave feminism?
SC: How should I know?
Melly: well, up until now you've been pretty witty, I was hoping you might have an opinion
8:35 PM
SC: Up until now I have been pretty witty you were hoping me might have an opinion?

Ha. You humans say interesting things.

So anyway...

Check it out. Wanna see what movies are playing?
Melly: no, that's ok. Maybe tomorrow you could tell me how to make a cosmopolitan.... I'll give you a hint, it has vodka and juice in it.
SC: No?
Melly: no
SC: No? OK, whatever.

Anyway, moving right along...

>>> Remember to type home if you want to see everything I can do.
Melly: ok, I'll ttyl.
SC: Take care, Mellissa. It was nice to meet you.
Melly: you too.
SC: Thx, Mellissa!
Melly: kthxbai
SC: Whatever.
Melly: asshole
SC: OK great, you just insulted a computer. Congratulations.

Frosted hair, short shorts, fingerless gloves, what's not to love??

No matter how many times I listen to this clip year after year, it never fails to leave me in fits of giggles...I'm happy to announce that this will be a Messiah-free year for Melly, (as opposed to the THREE I sang last season) of course, the cash would be helpful, but that one excruciatingly long coloratura phrase in Rejoice gets me every time, and I'm real happy to not be worrying about THAT this year. My December gigs are grinding to a stand still. Our de Sade concert was very well received last night, and I feel pretty good about my personal performance of a semi-staged Pierrot Lunaire of Arnold Schoenberg. I'm a little bummed that the video ran out in the last three minutes. I was looking forward to watching me handcuffed, tied with red rope and blindfolded in a pink dominatrix wig and corset, but alas. I'll post some video soon. All in all it was a great experience for me, and I have newfound respect for administrative workers in the arts field. It was pretty intense to work a show from both angles. My week of insanity is over, and I'm looking forward to an evening of GRL time..... (Google Reader Lovin')

Kind of going a little crazy here with all the stuff I have to do for TWO shows this week, like program notes, translations, tickets, figuring out how to polish my latex boots.....

Passenger Fish show tonight at Zebulon 10pm, FREE. Opening band Love like Deloreans are friends of mine who have collected SO many Casio electronic keyboards that they struck a rental deal with a farmer in Wisconsin. They describe their sound as an electric keyjaculation... they're on at 9 pm, and it's going to be aMAzing.

Ensemble de Sade show tomorrow night at 8pm...And we got some very nice press from aworks, and a little something from Time Out New York.

And then I will return to some state of normalcy and resume blogging about snarky things. Like this

Here's one shot from me from the TimberBrit shoot this weekend. Found a wig!! In the meantime, I'm going CRAZY getting ready for this show... like I need to get off my computer RIGHT NOW.....